So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
And then he peed in my hair
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