Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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