please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
