I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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