somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
