it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
