I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
