3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
