anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's blow job season.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
