Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
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I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
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I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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