you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
