Is it because I queefed?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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