Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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