I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
