remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
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I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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