The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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