Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
