It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
