Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
two words...techno handjob
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I love you.
Bad choice
The ass gains better be worth it
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