what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
