How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
