Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
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