hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
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I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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