shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
