I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
