do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
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I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
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I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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