Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
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It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
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There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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