getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
