If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
