I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
