you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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