No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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