just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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