she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
