I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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