Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
