the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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