SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
