I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize