Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
