My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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