sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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