Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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