I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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