I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize