I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
