Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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