Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
