I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize