i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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