I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
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i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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