I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
we're making bets on your personal life
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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