Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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