everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
