Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
