how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
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I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
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I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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