what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.