My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon