I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
