2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Randomize
