when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
